Recently while I was at the YMCA, and I was introduced
to a woman by a friend of mine. During the introduction I was told that she has
a child that is autistic. In a moment without thought I said "oh
nice". To which the woman promptly said “no it isn’t”. I felt terrible. What would normally be
an innocent response, left egg on my face. This interaction happened because of an automatic response I
have when I am introduced to someone that has a child. Much like an auto
responder on email, my brain knows that when someone is being introduced to me,
and they have a child it is typically polite to say something to the effect
of "Oh nice". However in
this case my auto response created an awkward moment.
This same thing happens all the time in our
marriage. Our brain works on rules. The rules lead to automatic responses which
make everyday situations easier to navigate. In many situations this works
great, but there are times when our automatic responses fail us in our
marriage, especially in the area of household finances.
When your spouse says we need to… Your automatic response is…
- Save more -
- Buy the kids clothes -
- Take a vacation -
- Etc. -
Each of these statements are vague enough that they
could mean any number of different things. So the goal becomes not just to automatically
respond, but to ask for more clarification. Otherwise your automatic response
may lead to hurt feelings.
What automatic responses get you in trouble? Please leave a comment.
What automatic responses get you in trouble? Please leave a comment.
Please feel free to give me a call to talk more, 980-275-1627.
Regards,
Ed Coambs
Grow your marriage by getting all the latest blog posts.
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