Over time and with skill there is hope that two spouses can come together and start to make decisions together. It starts with empathetic listening. What does it mean to listen with empathy? It means that you put down your defensiveness and really seek to first understand where the other person is coming from. The question you should be asking yourself is, why do they view things the way that they do? In order to accomplish this it is important to listen first, and then reflect back the feelings your spouse is communicating. The trick is that often when you fight about money it looks like anger, but underneath that anger is another emotion. It may be one of fear, distrust, worry, or violation. When you can identify with your spouses true feelings it will lower their defenses and it will then create a unique opportunity to have real and vulnerable conversation about your finances.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Money conflict? How to get on the same page.
I recently met with a financial planner who was feeling frustrated that his clients did not share the same perspective as he did. This conversation reminded me of the common experience I hear about in marriage when each spouse is on a different financial page then the other. This can be a really frustrating experience for both spouses.
Over time and with skill there is hope that two spouses can come together and start to make decisions together. It starts with empathetic listening. What does it mean to listen with empathy? It means that you put down your defensiveness and really seek to first understand where the other person is coming from. The question you should be asking yourself is, why do they view things the way that they do? In order to accomplish this it is important to listen first, and then reflect back the feelings your spouse is communicating. The trick is that often when you fight about money it looks like anger, but underneath that anger is another emotion. It may be one of fear, distrust, worry, or violation. When you can identify with your spouses true feelings it will lower their defenses and it will then create a unique opportunity to have real and vulnerable conversation about your finances.
Over time and with skill there is hope that two spouses can come together and start to make decisions together. It starts with empathetic listening. What does it mean to listen with empathy? It means that you put down your defensiveness and really seek to first understand where the other person is coming from. The question you should be asking yourself is, why do they view things the way that they do? In order to accomplish this it is important to listen first, and then reflect back the feelings your spouse is communicating. The trick is that often when you fight about money it looks like anger, but underneath that anger is another emotion. It may be one of fear, distrust, worry, or violation. When you can identify with your spouses true feelings it will lower their defenses and it will then create a unique opportunity to have real and vulnerable conversation about your finances.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment