What happens to us when we move up or down in
social class? Typically, the values and views that we developed as children are
challenged. In our married life this an area ripe for arguments
For most of us, the way that we were raised forms our core financial identity. Our core financial identity informs many unspoken
rules about our personal values and the way that money is to be used in our
lives. Hence, this is why we feel challenged when we experience a shift up or
down in social class. Such feelings also are brought on when we encounter
people of other social classes than our own, because most often, these
individuals hold different values that sometimes challenge our own values.
As we move across social classes, we enter into new
rules, and new ways of relating to people. If a part of our core identity does
not have flexibility, then we become overwhelmed by the transition and do everything
we can to revert back to a place of comfort and familiarity. Much of this
happens at a subconscious level.
Let's look at two examples of dealing with change
in social class, one which is commonly known, and one which is much less known.
First, let’s think about young new professional athletes, entering into a pro
sport, who perhaps may have come from humble beginnings and little money. These
athletes enter into their new world flooded with an abundance of cash and
opportunity unlike they have ever imagined. Sure, they may have dreamed of
having loads of money and success—which is likely a contributing factor to how
they reached the amazing level of success that they have achieved—however, too
often, athletes in these types of situations forget one important thing: They
forget to consider the necessary work needed to realign their core identity with
their change in social class. As a result, inside, deep down, they likely still
see themselves as someone from humble beginnings, and so they live out the
deeply ingrained cultural values of a lower social class. This works
fine, until their careers come to an end and their cash flow is cut off. For
many of these professional athletes, they end up right back where they started from,
and sometimes find themselves in worse shape than before. That is, they now
have to figure out how to deal with the financial trauma of moving up in social
class, and then slamming back down in social class, all without the necessary
core identity changes along the way.
The second example probably happens more often than
the first, yet it tends to get much less press. For the second example, let’s
think about a young couple who have decided to start a young family. For comparisons
sake, let’s say that they too have come from humble beginnings, like the
professional athlete. This couple has taken the time to educate themselves and have
now gotten to a place where they are successful professionals.
However, with the demands of two full-time
professional careers, and their growing family, they need some additional help around
the house. Though they both have full-time jobs, the wife is primarily
responsible for managing their home. As a result, she proposes to her husband
that they hire a housekeeper. Her husband’s reaction is not what she expects, as
he grew up in a family where his family and their friends where “the cleaning
people.” Feeling somewhat disgraced by her request, he says to her "we
can't hire my people" to do this kind of work for us.
In sum, though the husband is a successful and well-educated
professional, for him, the idea of hiring someone to clean his home does not
mesh well with the core financial identity he grew up with. For the husband, there
is an implication and remembered resentment of the families that used to hire
his family to clean their homes, and he thinks to himself, “I don't not want to
be one of those people.” The husband’s core financial identity is rigid on the
topic of “hiring household help” because he has continued to identify with his
lower social class, though he and his wife together earn a much higher level of
income than his own parents did. He has not adequately adjusted his core
financial identity since moving up in social class. Obvious differences of core
financial identity between he and his wife lead to loads of frustration. They
do not know how to move forward on this subject, and so they continue to fight.
Ultimately, the stress of their financial identity differences takes its toll,
and the couple grows apart from each other.
It can be more difficult than imagined, to cross
social classes. Many people imagine that having more money would provide
them with greater opportunity. It can; however, such change requires a person
to reestablish his/her core financial identity. You have to develop a new set
of skills and abilities to be able to manage your money well. You must become
aware of your own internal rules about money, the purposes they served at your
previous economic level, and how some of those rules may no longer be relevant.
For me, one social class rule in particular that has evolved as my work
has changed, relates to “packing my lunch” as a money saving strategy. Growing
up in the blue collar middle class, I have always practiced this money saving rule.
Yet, the more I grow my business and find myself working with white collar
professionals, “having lunch out” is not only a normal practice, it is
expected. I have realized that eating out for lunch within this different
social class is not so much about the food as it is a way to share ideas, to
network, and to build working relationships over a meal. Because these
opportunities are important in helping me to continue to grow my business, it
has become vital for me to readjust my thinking regarding this financial rule,
and I have had to reestablish a part of my own, previous core financial
identity.
To start the shift in your core financial identity it will take time in
reflection. You will want to consider the rules about money and its use you
learned during your upbringing. Then compare them to the rules that you observe
for where you live now. Don’t rush this process, often the social class rules
we live by are subtle and not always so obvious. With time and observation you
can start to determine which social class rules you want to participate in and
which ones you prefer to avoid.
