Making good financial decisions can be hard work.
Most of us arrive in the adult world never having taken one class on personal
finance. Sure, you saw your mom use her credit card at the department store and
your dad go off to work every day. But what did you really learn about how to effectively
manage personal finances?
Family life can be very demanding, and the basics
of living often don't get covered in daily conversations. Heck, many of our
parents never learned how to manage their personal finances, so can we fault
them for not teaching us how to do the same?
Our families are the messengers of life lessons. We
grow up watching our parents’ every move. We are students of what they do and
don't do. We notice the small things, like when Mom says she’s a saver, but never
seems to have money for the really big things. Or when dad gruffly reflects, "Another
day, another dollar.” These messages teach us to view money in a certain way. The family language
of money often has to be decoded, and we must examine the money messages our
parents give us. Unless we tackle our financial uncertainties, we can be left
feeling stuck, frustrated and scared about managing the financial resources we
have.
Yet, in rare cases, there are those who feel
financially secure. Yep, I said it: there are people out there who feel totally,
unconditionally, 100% financially secure… but they are not who you think they
are. They are not always the richest people in town - they are the people who
have a good sense for what money can and cannot do for them in their
life.
How did these people get to a place of financial
security? It was not magic, I can assure you. They took the time to look at
what they learned from their family, determined what was helpful, then
intentionally integrated that into their way of living. They also
determined what negative views of money they had and let go of them. The
financially secure identified the gaps in their knowledge of how to manage
money, and then took time (and continue) to learn how to better manage the
resources they have. Common learning experiences include reading books,
attending classes and finding trustworthy advisors to help teach them how to
manage money and expectations well.
IMPORTANT
LESSON: While learning to save, budget, and invest is important, the number
one tip to financial security is to learn how
to manage your expectations. It is the gap between where we are and where
we expect we should be at any stage in life that is most likely to make us feel
financially insecure.
Don't get upset with your parents because you did
not teach you everything you need to know about money. Don't have an attitude
with your wife because you are not on the same page about money. Chances are
your spouse didn't get all the right money messages, either. There is a significant
possibility that you and your wife share some financial views. Likewise, there
is a strong possibility that you will also think differently on certain topics.
To address the similarities and differences in money management
approaches in your marriage, take time with your spouse to list out where you
are on the same page and where you are different. When you identify those
differences, realize that neither of you may be right, and that there may be
other options for managing that situation then what you have considered. This
is where learning about personal finance together can introduce new ideas to
your family. If you don't take the time to study personal finance, then all you
will have to base your decisions on are the lessons from your own family, which
won’t always serve you well.
Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.
Ed Coambs
Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook
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