When
I tell people that I am a marriage counselor that specializes in working with
couples and their money, I usually get one of two responses. The
first is diving straight into the details of their marriage and financial
lives and some specific event that happened to them.
The
other is a more cautious response. It goes something like, “We are really
fortunate. We get along well on that page.” Then there’s a positive explanation
about how good things are. As I listen for a bit, I acknowledge and say that is
wonderful.
Recently
I was talking with a doctor who thought my work was really interesting, and he
said he and his wife get along well in that department. He went on to say “We
are blessed”. To which I responded great not expecting much after that. Then
came the exception, he said my wife thinks I have too much insurance. I think oh,
is that so? Now this was a social setting so I did not get into the details,
but this is one of many examples of what I hear once someone feels safe enough
to share with me about their life. The reality is that we all have financial
sticking points in our marriages. So the question becomes, are these sticking
points driving a wedge into your relationship with your spouse? Is it affecting
your ability to enjoy each other’s company?
Most
couples can navigate a few minor disagreements, but stack a few together and
the stress increases. The reality is that there is often both an emotional cost
and a financial cost when it comes to financial differences.
In
the case of the insurance for this spouse, it was a common source of tension. Even
if for this doctor he is spending $200 a month in extra premium for insurance
that is not necessary—that adds up to $2,400 a year. Peace of mind just became more expensive for this couple. But the
bigger question becomes why is this insurable risk so important to the person?
Without
knowing the details, we could assume that it was a disability policy that the
doctor has. But the policy might not be technically necessary for a number of
reasons. Beneath the surface the of that decision the doctor's father became
disabled at a young age, and that memory lays in the back of his brain about
the need for disability insurance. Perhaps this is not a connection that he has
made, but it then becomes a clear explanation about his desire to have more disability
insurance than would normally be reasonable. Further yet, the disability was
caused by a motorcycle accident. The doctor does not even own a motorcycle and
won't ride one. So does he really need this disability policy? Perhaps not. Hopefully
this demonstrates that insurance policies can become about meeting more of an emotional
need than a financial need. Yet if we remain overly-insured based on subjective
needs, then we may be cutting off cash flow that could be used to allocate
towards other important goals for the family.
