Making More Money Isn't the Answer

Who hasn't at times felt overwhelmed by the feeling of needing to make more money? I know I have. Even after years of studying personal finance and putting into place practices to define what’s enough for my family and me, I still get caught up in the day-to-day grind of feeling like everything will be okay if I just made more money.

However, that’s not what  your family needs most from you. Rather than money, they really need your presence and engagement. In our fast-paced culture, it is easy to move quickly and not take the time to reflect on our priorities, so let this be one of those moments when you hit the pause button and really look at what is influencing you. 

Take time to answer the following three questions and include the values that they stand for (i.e. Wealth, Family, Compassion, Hardwork, Balance, etc). For example I love the show Shark Tank, and if that was all I watched then I would think life is all about making deals, more money, and creating businesses.

1.    Where do you work?

2.    To which organizations do you belong?

3.    What type of information (t.v., internet, magazines, and books) do you consume? 

Whether intentionally or unintentionally, we consume daily messages from the outside world through a number of sources about how to live our lives. There is meaning in all communication, as well as an underlying value. When we become highly attuned to the values of the communication that we are receiving, then we can make conscious decisions about what to do with it. 

Recently, I have really enjoyed listening to the business podcast “Entrepreneur on Fire,” but after a while, I realized I moved from enjoying and learning valuable insights about the journey of becoming an entrepreneur to being consumed with thinking about how I could grow my business and (as a natural outcome of that) increase my income. While there is a time and place for learning how to grow your personal finances and business, if left unchecked, other priorities and values will get overshadowed like spending time with family, community events, personal spirituality, etc.  

When you start to feel like making more money is the best use of your time, it is time to stop and evaluate the messages you are taking in.

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

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It Starts with Me

One of the deepest questions we tend to ask ourselves is, “Am I acceptable?” How we go about finding the answer varies widely.

When it comes to knowing if we are making the right decisions in our marriage and with money, there is a proliferation of books, articles and thought leaders all willing to divulge the “right way” to do it (I am one of them). Yet, when you spend too much time consulting these sources, it doesn’t take long to feel completely overwhelmed by the various views and approaches they offer. When we only look outside ourselves for the answer to whether we’re acceptable, then we are relying on external validation to give our lives meaning. 

We all do it. That’s because external validation allows us to compare and contrast the life that we are living to the lives of others. Let's face it - no matter how hard we try not to think about the Joneses, at some point, we inevitably examine how our life stacks up to other people's, as this gives us opportunities to see where we can grow. Yet the challenge that this creates is that we can be left feeling inadequate and unacceptable if external validation is our only source of self-worth.

Let me share an example to make my point. I have read countless books on the topic of personal finance. I love the subject, yet the more I read, the more I have come to realize that I cannot possibly embrace all of the different views of "financial success." Why? When I think about the myriad of advice and offerings about money,  I see a continuum of belief about what financial success looks like. Some people see it as having the most money, while others say it’s living a simple life without material things. So, given the spectrum of opinions, what am I to do if I want to live a financially successful life? 

It starts with me. Instead of confusing myself even more by trying to process everyone else’s opinion, I will use internal validation to decide what financial success looks like for me. Internal validation starts with saying that I am acceptable no matter where I am in my life. It acknowledges that I have the potential for growth and change, all the while maintaining my acceptability. Internal validation is what we use to help measure which sources of external validation we want to integrate into our life and which sources we want to leave out. It says I have the ability to make my own decisions about what is right for my life, and I don't have to become what others tell me to become.  When we develop a strong sense of internal validation then we can answer the question, “Am I acceptable?” with a resounding, “YES!” 

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

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How Money Sayings Get Us in Trouble

Money is one of those topics we love and hate to talk about. Most of us desire to have more of it, even if some of us tell others that we don't. Yet no matter what you believe about money, you probably have a saying about money that represents the way that you feel. Yet it is our very sayings about money that may be what limits us from developing a healthy relationship with money.

Here is a short list of sayings about money. How can these sayings mislead you?

- Money can't buy happiness
- Money is the root of all evil
- A penny saved is a penny earned
- Money makes the world go 'round
- Save your pennies for a rainy day
- Mo' Money, Mo' Problems
- A fool and his money are soon parted
- You can't take it with you
- Render unto Caesar
- A penny for your thoughts
- Money can't buy me love
- Putting your money where your mouth is
- Dollar wise and penny foolish
- Spending money like a drunken sailor

I don't know about you but after reading over this list of money sayings several times I feel confused, what am I supposed to believe about money? This is the challenge when we rely on a saying or two about a topic that has profound impact and influence over our life. The reality is that many of these sayings have grown out of a personal observation or experience, but without understanding the context of the saying it may be misapplied in application to our life. To often the saying we have become familiar with has been adapted and with some parts dropped intentionally so that the saying makes sense for context in which the message is being delivered. This is why we should not just accept a money saying at face value, but rather take time to question the origin and meaning of the saying.

Let's just take one of these sayings and understand the possible implications.

3 Problems/Challenges with "Money is the root of all evil".

This is a Biblical reference to Paul's letter to Timothy found in 1 Timothy 6:10. The actual verse reads v.10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.

1. Notice the verse includes the word love which gives a completely different meaning to the sentence. Then it is in the second sentence that Paul expresses his real concern which is that when some people have loved money, they have wandered from faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.

2. If you believe money is the root of all evil, no wonder you would not trust the rich because they are the ones with loads of money. Or perhaps you believe they are rich because they love money and so then they are evil.

3. When you take a Biblical verse in isolation then you miss the broader context of what the Bible says about a given subject. To counter balance any ideas that money might be evil consider the parable of the talents in Matthew 25: 14-30 where the first two servants took their given talents (equivalent to money) and doubled them, the last servant hide his and returned what was given to him. The first two servants where told well done good and faithful servant, where as the last servant was called a wicked and slothful servant.

Ultimately the Bible references the management and use of money and resources over 2,000 times. Management of financial resources is a subject that creates many challenges, because there are significant implications for how we view and use money.

The first step to understanding the role of money in our life, is to decide what model or view of money we are going to take. Then we can set out on a journey to continually learn how to apply that model to the best of our understanding. Feel free to give me a call to talk more, 980-275-1627.

Regards,
Ed Coambs

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He's 94 and says keep working. What?

Title: He’s 94 and said what?

Many of us – including me – dream about the day when we no longer have to work and we have the freedom to do whatever we want with our time. We want to pursue great things like taking long vacations, pursuing art, and playing with our kids or grandkids. So, you can imagine my surprise when a 94-year-old man at my local YMCA got me to reconsider this idea. As he strolled by the table where I was sitting, he said something that struck me.

”Keep working,” he insisted. “It’s what keeps me going, and I’m 94.”

This one, short sentence got my attention.  As I reflected on this simple yet profound piece of advice, I realized a lot of us think NOT working will bring us happiness, but the most content people I’ve met in my life seem to be the ones who are working. However they’re not doing things for the sake of doing them. Rather, they’re focused on a job about which they are intensely passionate. As I considered this connection between work and passion, I realized that work can create great value in our lives and the lives of others. So, when the role you have allows you to consistently create value for others (and therefore yourself), why would you want to stop?

The lesson from this brief encounter is that meaningful work (not just a job for the sake of doing a job) can keep you going for many years to come. When we look forward to a life of creating value for others, we can no longer imagine not working in some way, shape or form. This leads me to where I am in life right now. I am so passionate and excited by my work with married couples who say money arguments are their number one issue. I love working with couples to help them look at both the actual argument and all the emotions, fears, and feelings behind the argument to unlock why they keep fighting about money. Once this happens and the smiles return to the couples faces, I experience tremendous joy, knowing that I have helped the couple overcome a major hurdle in their life.

How do you create value and meaning for yourself and others through your work?

What steps do you need to take to increase the value of your work?

Sometimes, all it takes to change your perspective on work is to reframe the way you see 

your role at and in work.

Want advice on starting your own action plan? Give me a call at 980-275-1627.

Talk to you soon,
Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook
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http://marriageandmoneymatters.blogspot.com/2013/12/its-more-than-talking-about-money-it-is.html

Part 1: Why do the same conflicts in marriage keep repeating?

How often do you feel like you are having the same argument today that you had yesterday, and the year before with your spouse? If your marriage is like many others you get to a place where you can anticipate the argument before it comes. Often as arguments start to repeat themselves frustration settles in and you become entrenched in proving your point, which then prevents you from listening to what you partner is really saying.

Arguments in mariage are comprised of two components. The first part is the subject and sounds something like this, you spend to much money, your never home on time, you are....fill in the blank. During this part of the argument there is an accusation that involves the  use of "you" to point out what your partner  has done or not done to offend you. In most marriages this is where the couple tries to resolve the argument by trying to get their partner to change the behavior. Yet the problem continues to come up. Why?

The source of the argument lays below the subject of the argument in the emotions and feelings of your partner. In order to start overcoming the subject of the argument it helps to understand the source of the argument. The source of the argument often involves either violated feelings or personal beliefs that have been challenged.

Steps to recognizing the source of the argument
1. Recognize that you are entering an argument
2. Take a deep breath
3. Ask your partner,  what is important to you about whatever the subject of the argument is.
4. Ask why is that important to you, and listen for the emotion or belief behind the response.
5. Validate the feeling or belief they have. This does not mean you agree but it demonstrates that you understand.
6. Then ask them if you can share how you feel about the situation.

This process may feel counter intuitive, and so in my next blog post I will explain how this process helps get to the source of the argument.

How do you effectively solve ongoing arguments in your marriage? Please leave a comment.

Feel free to give me a call at 980-275-1627.

Regards,
Ed Coambs

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Progress killed at the expense of perfection

True confession, there is no perfect financial plan. Whew, there I said it. As a financial planner I would love to think that I could craft a bullet proof, perfect financial plan. The reality is that our life is complex and dynamic with many changing variables. When we come to terms with this reality, then we will not allow perfection to stop progress towards our financial goals.

The reality is that as we move through our life, our goals grow and change. Think back to the days when you where in college and all you could think about was just getting out of school and getting a job. Now perhaps you are married, have several kids, a house, a job, and who knows what else. Have your goals and plans changed and evolved? More then likely. So what's stopping you now from just taking some steps towards your financial plan? The reality is that until you start moving towards your financial plan you will not know how you need to adjust it.

Yet many people become paralyzed in committing to a plan for the future because they fear that either they wont achieve the plan or that it is the wrong plan. Don't let either of these fears stop you from creating and implementing a financial plan. Your financial plan should not be written in stone, but rather electronically so that it can be easily updated as you make new decisions.

Ultimately your plan will need updating, that is the one thing you can plan on.

What keeps you from moving forward with your financial plan? Please leave a comment.

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