One of the deepest questions we tend to ask
ourselves is, “Am I acceptable?” How we go about finding the answer varies
widely.
When it comes to knowing if we are making the right
decisions in our marriage and with money, there is a proliferation of books,
articles and thought leaders all willing to divulge the “right way” to do it (I
am one of them). Yet, when you spend too much time consulting these sources, it doesn’t
take long to feel completely overwhelmed by the various views and approaches
they offer. When we only look outside ourselves for the answer to whether we’re
acceptable, then we are relying on external validation to give our lives
meaning.
We all do it. That’s because external validation
allows us to compare and contrast the life that we are living to the lives of
others. Let's face it - no matter how hard we try not to think about the
Joneses, at some point, we inevitably examine how our life stacks up to other
people's, as this gives us opportunities to see where we can grow. Yet the
challenge that this creates is that we can be left feeling inadequate and
unacceptable if external validation is our only source of self-worth.
Let me share an example to make my point. I have
read countless books on the topic of personal finance. I love the subject, yet
the more I read, the more I have come to realize that I cannot possibly embrace
all of the different views of "financial success." Why? When I think
about the myriad of advice and offerings about money, I see a continuum of belief about what
financial success looks like. Some people see it as having the most money,
while others say it’s living a simple life without material things. So, given
the spectrum of opinions, what am I to do if I want to live a financially
successful life?
It starts with me. Instead of confusing myself even more by trying to
process everyone else’s opinion, I will use internal validation to decide what
financial success looks like for me. Internal validation starts with saying
that I am acceptable no matter where I am in my life. It acknowledges that I have
the potential for growth and change, all the while maintaining my
acceptability. Internal validation is what we use to help measure which sources
of external validation we want to integrate into our life and which sources we
want to leave out. It says I have the ability to make my own decisions about what
is right for my life, and I don't have to become what others tell me to become.
When we develop a strong sense of internal validation then we can answer
the question, “Am I acceptable?” with a resounding, “YES!”
Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.
Ed Coambs
Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook
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