What are Your True Money Views?

What do you really believe to be true about money? 

No, really - what do you really believe to be true about money? For most of us, we have mixed emotions about the role it plays in our life. Part of learning how to better manage the money and resources we have can come through understanding what we really believe to be true about money.  The reality is that some of our beliefs have the potential to limit us and our ability to move to another level of financial peace in our life. While money is not (and should not be) everything in life, it is obviously very important. 

To help you clarify your beliefs about money, start by asking yourself, “What do I believe to be true about money?” Then write down every thought that immediately comes into your head. Is it “necessary?” “Inconvenient?” “Fun?” Don’t worry about analyzing your ideas too deeply at this moment; just write them down. 

Once you are done, look over your notes, and write next to each thought where that particular idea came from. Common sources include family, faith, friends, society, books, and media. The trick is to be as specific as possible. 

Now, for everything that you wrote down, try to find at least one exception to that belief. If that’s not possible, then you have landed on one of your true money views. The beauty of identifying your true money views is that it gives you freedom in knowing what you believe. When you know what you believe, then you can make forward progress toward creating a deeper sense of financial peace in your life. Every person’s concept of financial peace is different, and so the more that you can clearly articulate what is true for you, the less likely you are to feel blown around by the winds of others’ views. 

One thing to keep in mind as you do this exercise: true money views change and grow in life. With each new stage in life, new challenges and opportunities emerge, and what it takes to work through them will change. Remaining flexible will allow you to grow yet remaining grounded in what you believe will allow you to navigate the inevitable changes in life. 

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

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It Starts with Me

One of the deepest questions we tend to ask ourselves is, “Am I acceptable?” How we go about finding the answer varies widely.

When it comes to knowing if we are making the right decisions in our marriage and with money, there is a proliferation of books, articles and thought leaders all willing to divulge the “right way” to do it (I am one of them). Yet, when you spend too much time consulting these sources, it doesn’t take long to feel completely overwhelmed by the various views and approaches they offer. When we only look outside ourselves for the answer to whether we’re acceptable, then we are relying on external validation to give our lives meaning. 

We all do it. That’s because external validation allows us to compare and contrast the life that we are living to the lives of others. Let's face it - no matter how hard we try not to think about the Joneses, at some point, we inevitably examine how our life stacks up to other people's, as this gives us opportunities to see where we can grow. Yet the challenge that this creates is that we can be left feeling inadequate and unacceptable if external validation is our only source of self-worth.

Let me share an example to make my point. I have read countless books on the topic of personal finance. I love the subject, yet the more I read, the more I have come to realize that I cannot possibly embrace all of the different views of "financial success." Why? When I think about the myriad of advice and offerings about money,  I see a continuum of belief about what financial success looks like. Some people see it as having the most money, while others say it’s living a simple life without material things. So, given the spectrum of opinions, what am I to do if I want to live a financially successful life? 

It starts with me. Instead of confusing myself even more by trying to process everyone else’s opinion, I will use internal validation to decide what financial success looks like for me. Internal validation starts with saying that I am acceptable no matter where I am in my life. It acknowledges that I have the potential for growth and change, all the while maintaining my acceptability. Internal validation is what we use to help measure which sources of external validation we want to integrate into our life and which sources we want to leave out. It says I have the ability to make my own decisions about what is right for my life, and I don't have to become what others tell me to become.  When we develop a strong sense of internal validation then we can answer the question, “Am I acceptable?” with a resounding, “YES!” 

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

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Gratitude Works

Gratitude has the power to heal, energize and change lives. I recently heard a presentation by Dr. Robert Emmons of UC Davis, who researches the impact of gratitude on people's life. I was taken aback by the impact of gratitude. Did you know that based on Dr. Emmons findings people who regularly practice an attitude of gratitude have on average a 7% higher income then those people who don't?

To develop gratitude in your life, Dr. Emmons recommended starting a gratitude journal. He gave three simple steps to increasing the effectiveness of your gratitude journaling.

1. Specificity, be specific about what you are grateful for.
2. Surprise, write about something you received unexpectedly. (Anything from a compliment to a large gift.)
3. Scarcity, wanting now what you may not have later. (Imagine having no money, now how grateful are you for the money that you have?)

My guess is that we can all increase our level of gratitude and decrease our frustrations with our spouses and financial situations, when we start to focus more of our energy on gratitude.

I am grateful for a lot of things, but one of my favorites right now is my son's laughter at the simple things in life. He is two and half, and finds the simplest things so delightful. Just the prospect of going swimming will have him jumping up and down for joy. His simple pleasures, remind me not to take life to seriously and to have fun.

What are you grateful for? Please leave a comment.

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6 Questions to Overcoming Your Ambivalence

Are you at a point in your life where you know you need to move forward but you feel stuck? You know that moving forward has the possibility of upsetting the apple cart, and so you stay where you are instead of moving forward towards your goal. Often times we know we need to move forward but we don't, why is that? Because beyond knowing all the reasons we are supposed change we are also influenced by our emotions, behaviors and relational dynamics. Anytime we are attempting a significant change it involves what we know, we believe, we feel, and they way we interact.

In order to move through your ambivalence and towards change here are six questions to ask your self. If you can have someone else ask you these questions, this experience will be even more powerful. Take a risk and try it. 

1. Why would you want to make this change?

2. How might you go about it in order to succeed?

3. What are the 3 best reasons for you to do it?

4. How important is it for you to make this change, and why?

5. So what do you think you'll do?

6. How will your relationships change?

The goal is ultimately to get yourself talking about why you want to make the change.

What decisions leave you stuck most often? Leave a comment.

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