During Thanksgiving we reflect on what we are thankful for and we tell other people how much they mean to us. In order to add meaning to this Thanksgiving season be attentive to receiving thankfulness as it will give the giver of thanks a sense of elation that they have been acknowledged for their thankfulness.
Many people are great at helping others, but are to slow to receive help from others. This denies the recipcal relationship of thanksgiving. It takes two people. The giver and the receiver. Be sure this Thanksgiving, to also be a good receiver.
Being a good receiver can look like...
- Acknowledging someone else's thankfulness
- Reflecting back why that person is thankful for you
- Writing a short note back about what it meant to you to be appreciated
How else can you be a good receiver? Please leave a comment and let me know.
Feel free to give me a call to talk more, 980-275-1627.
Regards,
Ed Coambs
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How often do you feel like you are having the same argument today that you had yesterday, and the year before with your spouse? If your marriage is like many others you get to a place where you can anticipate the argument before it comes. Often as arguments start to repeat themselves frustration settles in and you become entrenched in proving your point, which then prevents you from listening to what you partner is really saying.
Arguments in mariage are comprised of two components. The first part is the subject and sounds something like this, you spend to much money, your never home on time, you are....fill in the blank. During this part of the argument there is an accusation that involves the use of "you" to point out what your partner has done or not done to offend you. In most marriages this is where the couple tries to resolve the argument by trying to get their partner to change the behavior. Yet the problem continues to come up. Why?
The source of the argument lays below the subject of the argument in the emotions and feelings of your partner. In order to start overcoming the subject of the argument it helps to understand the source of the argument. The source of the argument often involves either violated feelings or personal beliefs that have been challenged.
Steps to recognizing the source of the argument
1. Recognize that you are entering an argument
2. Take a deep breath
3. Ask your partner, what is important to you about whatever the subject of the argument is.
4. Ask why is that important to you, and listen for the emotion or belief behind the response.
5. Validate the feeling or belief they have. This does not mean you agree but it demonstrates that you understand.
6. Then ask them if you can share how you feel about the situation.
This process may feel counter intuitive, and so in my next blog post I will explain how this process helps get to the source of the argument.
How do you effectively solve ongoing arguments in your marriage? Please leave a comment.
Gratitude has the power to heal, energize and change lives. I recently heard a presentation by Dr. Robert Emmons of UC Davis, who researches the impact of gratitude on people's life. I was taken aback by the impact of gratitude. Did you know that based on Dr. Emmons findings people who regularly practice an attitude of gratitude have on average a 7% higher income then those people who don't?
To develop gratitude in your life, Dr. Emmons recommended starting a gratitude journal. He gave three simple steps to increasing the effectiveness of your gratitude journaling.
1. Specificity, be specific about what you are grateful for.
2. Surprise, write about something you received unexpectedly. (Anything from a compliment to a large gift.)
3. Scarcity, wanting now what you may not have later. (Imagine having no money, now how grateful are you for the money that you have?)
My guess is that we can all increase our level of gratitude and decrease our frustrations with our spouses and financial situations, when we start to focus more of our energy on gratitude.
I am grateful for a lot of things, but one of my favorites right now is my son's laughter at the simple things in life. He is two and half, and finds the simplest things so delightful. Just the prospect of going swimming will have him jumping up and down for joy. His simple pleasures, remind me not to take life to seriously and to have fun.
What are you grateful for? Please leave a comment.
Are you at a point in your life where you know you need to move forward but you feel stuck? You know that moving forward has the possibility of upsetting the apple cart, and so you stay where you are instead of moving forward towards your goal. Often times we know we need to move forward but we don't, why is that? Because beyond knowing all the reasons we are supposed change we are also influenced by our emotions, behaviors and relational dynamics. Anytime we are attempting a significant change it involves what we know, we believe, we feel, and they way we interact.
In order to move through your ambivalence and towards change here are six questions to ask your self. If you can have someone else ask you these questions, this experience will be even more powerful. Take a risk and try it.
1. Why would you want to make this change?
2. How might you go about it in order to succeed?
3. What are the 3 best reasons for you to do it?
4. How important is it for you to make this change, and why?
5. So what do you think you'll do?
6. How will your relationships change?
The goal is ultimately to get yourself talking about why you want to make the change.
What decisions leave you stuck most often? Leave a comment.
