Living Well With Wealth, Not Just For Millionaires

What happens when you get more money?

Peace, happiness, contentment...

Not always. Can you say decision overload syndrome. While we would all love to believe that having more money solves all problems, more often than not it does not. Believe it or not, having more money can mean more work.

As we have access to more money we have more decisions to make. Remember the good old days in college when you only had $100 in your bank account. What did you do for dinner? Probably the cheapest pizza you could find.

There are different ways in which people's wealth increases and depending on the path it can have a big impact on how they relate to wealth.

Here are four broad pathways that people enter into wealth
1. They earn it - in earning it this may happen over a life time of slow and steady saving, professional advancement, or successful business.

2. They marry into it - this does not mean they married for money, but perhaps they married someone one socio economic level up.

3. They inherit it - a family member leaves behind an unexpected lump sum of money.

4. They are born into it- the parents create wealth while raising their family and the children grow accustomed to a certain life style.

Along each pathway there are many different intersections, unique characteristics that come along with the wealth that an individual lives with. Yet each of the these paths is not equal in helping someone live well with wealth.

There is a real challenge to living well with wealth. The more money that you have, the more decisions that you are responsible for either directly or indirectly. By indirect decisions I mean that you hire other people to help you make financial decisions. Which is a big challenge. If you have ever had to hire someone for anything, then you can appreciate the difficulty in trying to hire the right person to help you with your wealth.

For those people who create wealth for themselves over a longer period of time they have a chance to learn many important lessons about managing and maintain financial resources. Compared to the person that comes into wealth, where they have had no chance to develop the necessary skills to manage wealth well.

Living well with wealth is a skill and one that is refined over time. Imagine being dropped in a new country that you have no knowledge of and you are told to live well there. What would you do? Which rules would you play by, chances are you do not know the rules. Is it going to take you some time to learn the rules of the land? Absolutely. This too is true of living with wealth.

As we think about the path to living well with wealth, it is one that takes time, maturity and relationships to master. Living well in life can not be done alone. Remaining open and willing to learn about what it means to live well with your level of wealth will depend on your perspective. Take time to slow down and think about where you need to grow in order to live well with your wealth.

An invitation to be Myself

I would like to introduce to you a poem by Edgar Guest that has brought so clearly to the forefront for me what is important about being myself. Ultimately, I believe that in order to have a marriage that matters, it is most important to be myself. What does it mean to you, to be Yourself?

MYSELF

I have to live with myself, and so
I want to be fit for myself to know,
I want to be able, as days go by
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand, with the setting sun,
And hate myself for the things I have done.

I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself, as I come and go,
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of a man I really am;
I don't want to dress up myself in sham.

I want to go out with my head erect,
I want to deserve all men's respect;
But here in the struggle for fame and pelf
I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to look at myself and know
That I'm bluster and bluff and empty show.

I can never hide myself from me;
I can see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself, and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

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It Starts with Me

One of the deepest questions we tend to ask ourselves is, “Am I acceptable?” How we go about finding the answer varies widely.

When it comes to knowing if we are making the right decisions in our marriage and with money, there is a proliferation of books, articles and thought leaders all willing to divulge the “right way” to do it (I am one of them). Yet, when you spend too much time consulting these sources, it doesn’t take long to feel completely overwhelmed by the various views and approaches they offer. When we only look outside ourselves for the answer to whether we’re acceptable, then we are relying on external validation to give our lives meaning. 

We all do it. That’s because external validation allows us to compare and contrast the life that we are living to the lives of others. Let's face it - no matter how hard we try not to think about the Joneses, at some point, we inevitably examine how our life stacks up to other people's, as this gives us opportunities to see where we can grow. Yet the challenge that this creates is that we can be left feeling inadequate and unacceptable if external validation is our only source of self-worth.

Let me share an example to make my point. I have read countless books on the topic of personal finance. I love the subject, yet the more I read, the more I have come to realize that I cannot possibly embrace all of the different views of "financial success." Why? When I think about the myriad of advice and offerings about money,  I see a continuum of belief about what financial success looks like. Some people see it as having the most money, while others say it’s living a simple life without material things. So, given the spectrum of opinions, what am I to do if I want to live a financially successful life? 

It starts with me. Instead of confusing myself even more by trying to process everyone else’s opinion, I will use internal validation to decide what financial success looks like for me. Internal validation starts with saying that I am acceptable no matter where I am in my life. It acknowledges that I have the potential for growth and change, all the while maintaining my acceptability. Internal validation is what we use to help measure which sources of external validation we want to integrate into our life and which sources we want to leave out. It says I have the ability to make my own decisions about what is right for my life, and I don't have to become what others tell me to become.  When we develop a strong sense of internal validation then we can answer the question, “Am I acceptable?” with a resounding, “YES!” 

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

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Falling Away; What do you need to let go of?

Fall is a beautiful season, with the vibrant colors of the leaves creating an amazing tapestry. But soon these bright and beautiful leaves will turn brown and fall away.

What do you need to let fall away during this season of fall? I am reminded as I watch the leaves fall off the trees this time of year, that we all need to let go of this years past hurts, wounds, and bad habits. When we allow the junk of the prior year to fall away, then we can be ready for a spring full of new life. But if we continue to hold onto those things that no longer have beauty and value in our life, then there will be no room for spring to emerge in our life.

As this relates to your marriage, what do you want to let go of?

What is stopping you from letting go?

What will you gain when you let go?

How will you feel?

How will your spouse experience you in a new way?

Allow this fall to be a season where you let the dead leaves of your life fall away.

Please feel free to give me a call to talk more, 980-275-1627.

Regards,
Ed Coambs

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6 Questions to Overcoming Your Ambivalence

Are you at a point in your life where you know you need to move forward but you feel stuck? You know that moving forward has the possibility of upsetting the apple cart, and so you stay where you are instead of moving forward towards your goal. Often times we know we need to move forward but we don't, why is that? Because beyond knowing all the reasons we are supposed change we are also influenced by our emotions, behaviors and relational dynamics. Anytime we are attempting a significant change it involves what we know, we believe, we feel, and they way we interact.

In order to move through your ambivalence and towards change here are six questions to ask your self. If you can have someone else ask you these questions, this experience will be even more powerful. Take a risk and try it. 

1. Why would you want to make this change?

2. How might you go about it in order to succeed?

3. What are the 3 best reasons for you to do it?

4. How important is it for you to make this change, and why?

5. So what do you think you'll do?

6. How will your relationships change?

The goal is ultimately to get yourself talking about why you want to make the change.

What decisions leave you stuck most often? Leave a comment.

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3 Reasons why Success is Elusive

Let's face it, we are a culture infatuated with success. From the shows on TV, to magazines in stores, and blogs dedicated to the subject, success is deeply ingrained in our culture. Yet when I ask people about success, many don't feel like they have reached success yet. Why is this? Here are three reasons I think that so many of us feel like success is elusive.

1. You and your spouse have a different idea about what success looks like.

2. You change your mind about what success looks like.

3. You have had some successes, but shortly there after the goal increases. Then you achieve that bigger goal, and again the goal becomes bigger, and the cycle continues this way leaving you chasing that feeling of success.

So success is getting 80% of the way there, because by the time you get to that point, you are likely starting to set up your next target. This is why life becomes a series of progressive successes, the important thing to remember as you move through life is to enjoy the peaks of success, but not to despair when you cross over the peak and are back down in the valley. Just look up again to where you are headed. Success is not done until you stop looking up the mountain for the next opportunity.

With this in mind now think about your financial life. Would a 20 year old you, look at the 30 year old you and say WOW you are successful? Would the 30 year old you look at the 50 year old you and say Wow you are successful? Hopefully.

The problem for most of us is that we quickly forget that are former successes are now just our normal. As a teenager you dreamed of having a car, and now you take it for granted. As a young adult you dreamed of buying a home, and now you want the next larger home. Coming out of college you just wanted to land a job, and now you want to get the six figure job. The list could go on in this fashion.

My question to you is, are you successful? My answer is I am.

Don't stop reaching for new heights, but recognize that you are successful.

Please leave a comment telling me about your biggest accomplishment.

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Financial Independence, No Thanks!

Our culture tells us that financial independence should be our goal. This idea comes from all the financial institutions and our morals that promote it. I have recently been watching the show Shark Tank, where this mantra could not be truer, especially for Mr. Wonderful (one of the investors), who says the only important thing  in life is making more money.

Yet, when we understand that God owns it all, then we come to realize that we don't ever live in a financially independent state, but rather a financially interdependent state.

Starting with God as the provider, we come to realize that we are in a system where we have to leverage each others’ skills and blessings, which places us in a state of interdependence. Recognizing that we live in interdependence can leave us free from the fear of not becoming financially independent. The great thing about financial interdependence is that it does not stop us from pursuing business, but rather, it shifts our focus from inward and meeting our own needs to outward and meeting the needs of others.

Ultimately, none of us is free from counting on God or others.

How does recognizing that we live in a financially interdependent world change your view of money? Please leave a comment.

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

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Finding Healing-- A Crisis of Identity

Wow, what a week in Nashville for the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) conference! There were so many great speakers and singers, and most importantly, counselors, pastors and lay leaders. The energy was contagious and inspiring. It was a great time for learning, growing, sharing and worshipping. As promised in my post from 9/4, I will share with you as much as possible about what I learned.

For all of us at different points in life, we experience pain and tragedy, and yet how we respond to those experiences can have a significant impact on our mental and physical health. Throughout the conference, I got to hear from a wide range of therapists and pastors who approach helping people in many different styles.  Despite their differences, there was a resounding theme to the healing process.

To find healing, start with your identity, as it can anchor the rest of your healing work.  So, where should you do that?  For many of us, we anchor our identity in work, family, possessions, money, drugs... and the list could go on.  When we turn to Christ and understand that we are made in the Image of God (Gen 1:27), we form an immovable anchor - an anchor based on the Lord's promises to be our provider and sustainer.

However, when we are completely honest, it is hard to own our identity in God, especially when we feel uncertain about who God is. Or we may flat out refuse to align ourselves with God if we see him as distant, removed, harsh, condemning, or any other host of negative characteristics. Yet, when we gain confidence and trust that God is full of love and grace, then we can confidently anchor ourselves in Him. So, it is when we anchor ourselves in Christ that we are ready to begin the journey to restoration.

I look forward to sharing with you over the next several weeks many more lessons I learned from my time at the AACC conference. In the meantime, please share how your relationship with Christ has helped or challenged you.... 

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

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