Making More Money Isn't the Answer

Who hasn't at times felt overwhelmed by the feeling of needing to make more money? I know I have. Even after years of studying personal finance and putting into place practices to define what’s enough for my family and me, I still get caught up in the day-to-day grind of feeling like everything will be okay if I just made more money.

However, that’s not what  your family needs most from you. Rather than money, they really need your presence and engagement. In our fast-paced culture, it is easy to move quickly and not take the time to reflect on our priorities, so let this be one of those moments when you hit the pause button and really look at what is influencing you. 

Take time to answer the following three questions and include the values that they stand for (i.e. Wealth, Family, Compassion, Hardwork, Balance, etc). For example I love the show Shark Tank, and if that was all I watched then I would think life is all about making deals, more money, and creating businesses.

1.    Where do you work?

2.    To which organizations do you belong?

3.    What type of information (t.v., internet, magazines, and books) do you consume? 

Whether intentionally or unintentionally, we consume daily messages from the outside world through a number of sources about how to live our lives. There is meaning in all communication, as well as an underlying value. When we become highly attuned to the values of the communication that we are receiving, then we can make conscious decisions about what to do with it. 

Recently, I have really enjoyed listening to the business podcast “Entrepreneur on Fire,” but after a while, I realized I moved from enjoying and learning valuable insights about the journey of becoming an entrepreneur to being consumed with thinking about how I could grow my business and (as a natural outcome of that) increase my income. While there is a time and place for learning how to grow your personal finances and business, if left unchecked, other priorities and values will get overshadowed like spending time with family, community events, personal spirituality, etc.  

When you start to feel like making more money is the best use of your time, it is time to stop and evaluate the messages you are taking in.

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

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Who are You Trying To Please?

Trying to get the right answer to complex problems can be a daunting task. In the world of marriage and money, there are so many different points of view and perspectives on building and maintaining security that  it is easy to become overwhelmed, frustrated and disillusioned. In Book Yourself Solid, author Michael Port shares a short and fun fable that we can all relate to. 

The Old Man, the Boy, and the Donkey

 An old man, a boy, and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked beside him. As they went along, they passed some people who remarked it as a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. 

 Later, they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame! He makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk.

 Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So they both rode the donkey. 

 Later, they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal, and he fell into the river and drowned. 

 The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass goodbye. 

How telling, right? In this story, the man and the boy are both trying to please each new idea that comes their way, and in the end, they lose the donkey that would have carried them into town.

The same is true in the pursuit of trying to master marriage and money. Each author, t.v. pundit, blogger, pastor, family member and friend is going to have a different perspective on how you should ride your donkey to your destination. The challenge is to have enough confidence in your abilities to make decisions that are right for you and your family and to stick with them. 

Take time to really consider who you are listening to and what influence they are having on your ability to lead your family. There is a place and a time to challenge your understandings, but there is also a time to rest and enjoy the sweet season of life you are in. Allow yourself to turn off the different voices and enjoy silence on the subject of marriage and money. 

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

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Creating Marital and Financial Security

We want what we want, and we want it now. It has been said time and again that patience is a virtue, but who has that virtue? In reality, many people do, but they are often living quiet and unassuming lives. They have not garnered great community awareness or media attention, yet they are still making a difference in the world in which they live.

Great patience and perseverance are often the keys to building a strong marriage and financial relationship. When couples allow one good gesture or decision to build onto another, it starts the compounding effect. A great example of this is setting money aside towards retirement. The early decision to do so will be challenging and feel like not much is happening, but it is over years and decades that you will recognize the difference the concerted effort is making.

So, what stops us from moving forward? Too often, I think it comes out of fear that there will not be enough resources at the next step or stage of life, that somehow love and money are zero-sum items, and that once you consume them, there will be no more. Yet, when we realize that both love and money are currencies that can be exchanged over and over again, our fear of running out can melt away. 

Moving from impulsivity to patience and perseverance creates opportunities for our decisions to become intentional and to build on each other. But when we jump from one method to another without giving things a chance to work, we miss the opportunities to witness growth[RA1] . This happens all the time while saving for retirement, we get distracted when we hear or read about a hot tip and we think we should follow it, but the reality is having a strong plan that you consistently stick with is going to be far more valuable than any one hot tip on saving for your retirement.  Sure, we would all love every decision to grow without setbacks, but this is not reality.

None of us is born with all the requirements to form a great marriage or achieve financial security. Fortunately, though, experience, learning, mentorship and a host of other factors are great opportunities for both of these experiences to happen.

So, what is the compounding effect? It is a realization that early, good decisions often do not show great results, but continued good decisions show tremendous results. 

Let’s take a look at an example of how a great marriage emerges. It starts long before two people ever meet; in reality, it begins at conception. During childhood, we are exposed to a wide variety of factors, many of which are the building blocks that form our future relationships. Once we reach dating age, we continue in our growth and learning about relationship dynamics. At some point, one of those dating relationships leads to marriage, and this is where things start to get really interesting. In a new marriage, couples start to form the shared understandings that will define their relationship, and those experiences in the first years set the course for what life will continue to look like. By ten years into marriage, the couple will certainly have had some challenges along the way, but if they have remained committed to growth and support, then their feelings of commitment and love can grow deeper than they ever imagined. As the years continue to progress, it is possible that the bond between the couple will continue to grow. After 40 to 50 years of marriage, the couple will have adult children, grandkids, and perhaps great grandkids who look at their marriage and are amazed by the love they have for each other. But to get to this place, it took the compounding effect: a “building-upon” of many experiences together, both good and bad.

The same is true for building financial security and abundance in your life. No one is born with all the knowledge they need to create financial security for themselves. They must remain on a continuous learning path to ensure that they can navigate each stage of life. The skills needed in your early twenties are not the same as those needed in your forties, and they are certainly not what are needed in your sixties and beyond. 

The challenge for both building a great marriage and creating financial security is a long-term perspective. It takes an ability to look out ahead 20, 30, and 40 years and have a vision for where you want  your life to end up. While no one can be a fortune teller and know the future, they can have a view of what they would like their life to look like.

No matter where you are in your journey of marriage and money management, there are abundant resources to help you grow. Here are two books I recommend to help you on your journey.

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Smart Couples Finish Rich by David Bach

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

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What are Your True Money Views?

What do you really believe to be true about money? 

No, really - what do you really believe to be true about money? For most of us, we have mixed emotions about the role it plays in our life. Part of learning how to better manage the money and resources we have can come through understanding what we really believe to be true about money.  The reality is that some of our beliefs have the potential to limit us and our ability to move to another level of financial peace in our life. While money is not (and should not be) everything in life, it is obviously very important. 

To help you clarify your beliefs about money, start by asking yourself, “What do I believe to be true about money?” Then write down every thought that immediately comes into your head. Is it “necessary?” “Inconvenient?” “Fun?” Don’t worry about analyzing your ideas too deeply at this moment; just write them down. 

Once you are done, look over your notes, and write next to each thought where that particular idea came from. Common sources include family, faith, friends, society, books, and media. The trick is to be as specific as possible. 

Now, for everything that you wrote down, try to find at least one exception to that belief. If that’s not possible, then you have landed on one of your true money views. The beauty of identifying your true money views is that it gives you freedom in knowing what you believe. When you know what you believe, then you can make forward progress toward creating a deeper sense of financial peace in your life. Every person’s concept of financial peace is different, and so the more that you can clearly articulate what is true for you, the less likely you are to feel blown around by the winds of others’ views. 

One thing to keep in mind as you do this exercise: true money views change and grow in life. With each new stage in life, new challenges and opportunities emerge, and what it takes to work through them will change. Remaining flexible will allow you to grow yet remaining grounded in what you believe will allow you to navigate the inevitable changes in life. 

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

For all your communication needs, she is all you need.

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