Can Money Bring You Happiness?

YES!!!!

This is the good news, according to Catherine Hart Weber. In her recent book Flourish, Discover Vibrant Living, she cites the work of researcher Thomas Golovich, who found that, when people spend money on experiences, it creates a lasting positive impact on them. In many cases, that joy increases over time because the memories live on as they are retold among the people who enjoyed the experience together. 

Here are five great experience ideas to get you started.

1. Go to your favorite sporting event.

2. Get a massage with someone.

3. Go to the theater and see a play, musical, or concert.

4. Take a trip to the beach with friends.

5. Go to that place you have always wanted to but have yet to make it happen.

What have been some of your best experiences and the memories that have lived on because of them? Please leave a comment.

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

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Financial Independence, No Thanks!

Our culture tells us that financial independence should be our goal. This idea comes from all the financial institutions and our morals that promote it. I have recently been watching the show Shark Tank, where this mantra could not be truer, especially for Mr. Wonderful (one of the investors), who says the only important thing  in life is making more money.

Yet, when we understand that God owns it all, then we come to realize that we don't ever live in a financially independent state, but rather a financially interdependent state.

Starting with God as the provider, we come to realize that we are in a system where we have to leverage each others’ skills and blessings, which places us in a state of interdependence. Recognizing that we live in interdependence can leave us free from the fear of not becoming financially independent. The great thing about financial interdependence is that it does not stop us from pursuing business, but rather, it shifts our focus from inward and meeting our own needs to outward and meeting the needs of others.

Ultimately, none of us is free from counting on God or others.

How does recognizing that we live in a financially interdependent world change your view of money? Please leave a comment.

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

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8 Tips for Picking a Great Financial Planner

Finding a great financial planner can be tough if you don't know what to look for. Here are eight important factors to consider when looking for, and choosing a financial planner.

1. Do your personalities fit? You’ll likely be meeting with them multiple times when getting started, and at least once a year after that, so it’s important to know if you mesh.

2. Inquire about how the planner is compensated. If you cannot understand what they are explaining or they are hesitant to discuss their fees, that should signal a red flag.

3. Each planner is going to have a unique process, and it is important to inquire about theirs on the front end so that you know what to expect.

4. Ask the planner about some of the common products or services that they recommend at the end of their planning process.

5. Find out who the planner is affiliated with, as this will give clues to the types of recommendations they are going to offer. Ultimately, there are three primary affiliations.

A) Working under the name of an insurance company
B) Working under the name of a mutual fund company
C) Independent, non-affiliated (these planners typically have the most flexibility in product and service selection) 

At the end of the day, each planner is going to have preferred products and services. This is not inherently good or bad; it is just something to keep in mind during your interactions. 

6. Inquire if the planner has any particular areas of expertise. Have them explain what makes them an expert in that area.

7. Ask about any credentials the planner has and what they mean. If you really want to get into the nitty gritty of their qualifications, ask them about what it took to obtain those credentials. Credentials like the CFP® are widely recognized as a standard in excellence, but there are many others,  such as ones created by the companies they work for, that are more promotional in nature than training-based.

8. Most importantly, have some ideas about what you want out of the financial planning process and be able to articulate them. 

If you want to know more about how financial planning can help you, please check out this link.

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

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Finding Healing-- A Crisis of Identity

Wow, what a week in Nashville for the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) conference! There were so many great speakers and singers, and most importantly, counselors, pastors and lay leaders. The energy was contagious and inspiring. It was a great time for learning, growing, sharing and worshipping. As promised in my post from 9/4, I will share with you as much as possible about what I learned.

For all of us at different points in life, we experience pain and tragedy, and yet how we respond to those experiences can have a significant impact on our mental and physical health. Throughout the conference, I got to hear from a wide range of therapists and pastors who approach helping people in many different styles.  Despite their differences, there was a resounding theme to the healing process.

To find healing, start with your identity, as it can anchor the rest of your healing work.  So, where should you do that?  For many of us, we anchor our identity in work, family, possessions, money, drugs... and the list could go on.  When we turn to Christ and understand that we are made in the Image of God (Gen 1:27), we form an immovable anchor - an anchor based on the Lord's promises to be our provider and sustainer.

However, when we are completely honest, it is hard to own our identity in God, especially when we feel uncertain about who God is. Or we may flat out refuse to align ourselves with God if we see him as distant, removed, harsh, condemning, or any other host of negative characteristics. Yet, when we gain confidence and trust that God is full of love and grace, then we can confidently anchor ourselves in Him. So, it is when we anchor ourselves in Christ that we are ready to begin the journey to restoration.

I look forward to sharing with you over the next several weeks many more lessons I learned from my time at the AACC conference. In the meantime, please share how your relationship with Christ has helped or challenged you.... 

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

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An Anniversary Lesson

I am proud to say that my wife and I are celebrating seven years of marriage this month. To commemorate this beautiful occassion, we went to one of our favorite restaurants in Charlotte, The Fig Tree. It was a lovely evening; there was a palpable touch of fall in the air as we sat on the restaurant's front porch to enjoy our dining experience.

One thing was amiss, though: I was not my normal perky, extroverted self. Rather, I was feeling totally overwhelmed by my many responsibilities in this season of life. —I won’t sugar-coat it: I really just wasn't any fun to be around.

The waiter asked us what brought us in, and we responded, “Our anniversary.” Not a second later, the couple behind us said, "It is our anniversary as well!"  Their joy while celebrating their anniversary helped me come out of my funk a bit. My wife and I went on to enjoy our meal and conversation. As this nice couple went to leave, I asked if they had any advice for marriage (as they were definitely older than us).  The husband, without hesitation, said, "Patience." He went on to explain that they had been married 38 years, and patience was the biggest thing he had learned.

Well, friends, I can honestly say that I was grateful for his response. It reminded me how patient my wife was being with me that night and has been with me the last several weeks, as I have been trying to get a grip on life.

If you are passing through a difficult time, just passed through a hard time, or perhaps will pass through a challenging time in the future, remember this word: patience. It may just help you cope with the season more gracefully. 

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

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Moving Arguments to Resolution

In my last post, I made the case that having arguments in your marriage is normal. When you disagree, it is more important to bring arguments to a resolution for the benefit of your relationship and the health of your children.

Now, if you are uncertain how to bring conflict to resolution I recommend using what I call the “Stop, Drop & Roll” method.

Stop - Recognize that you are entering a conflict. Either you are going to initiate it, or your spouse is initiating with you. Remember, conflict does not always involve screaming and yelling; rather, it can include passive-aggressive behavior with subtleties that create tension but don't explode. Don't allow these conflicts to get buried deep down, because over time, it will lead to resentment. To better understand the impact of resentment on relationships, I recommend you look into the extensive work of Dr. John Gottman.

Drop - Drop your defenses and focus on what the other person is really upset about. There is a good chance that you may not fully recognize the source of their frustration. While your spouse may be bringing up a specific event or situation that has caused them to be upset, what you want to be listening for is the emotion behind the concern.

Example – Recently, I had become annoyed that my wife would always ask, "Did you lock the car?" whenever we parked and walked toward a store. This made me feel like she thought I was not capable of remembering to lock the car. Silly, I know, but that is the way many arguments start: over something seemingly simple. Once I realized this question was frustrating me, and I asked my wife why she was always asking it, I learned something very interesting. She admitted that she regularly forgets to lock her car door. Her asking me if I locked the door had everything to do with her going through her own mental check list of leaving the car and nothing to do with me at all. Rather, she was just going through her own process to make sure the car was locked. No ill will meant at all.

Roll - When you really understand where the other person is coming from, you must be ready to roll with the punches. Ultimately, your spouse will surprise you more often than not regarding the source of conflict and the way it makes them feel.

There you have it: Arguments are part of everyday life when living with someone. Next time something comes up, be ready to stop and recognize you are entering a conflict, drop your defenses and listen for the emotion behind the concern, and roll with the unexpected emotions and feelings of conflict.

How do you deal with conflict, and how do you think “Stop, Drop, and Roll” will work for your relationship?

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

For all your communication needs, she is all you need.