To say that my wife and I respond to and see
numbers differently would be an understatement. Okay, okay - I know there isn't
a couple who hasn't had an argument about finances in their marriage. But how many couples feel like
they understand why they get into so many of the same arguments?
Recently, I shared with my wife just before she
walked out the door for work that we needed a certain amount of money to cover
some upcoming bills. When she got home that evening, she told me that she
worried all day about it. I was surprised, because I thought what I shared was
objective, but in reality, it was interpreted as us not having enough to pay
our bills – which wasn’t the case at all.
But wait - numbers are objective, right? I mean, what
do you think when you read the word “two?” The number, I would imagine. But
what happens when I add more context and write “$2?” Suddenly, the meaning
changes.
Numbers in and of themselves are objective pieces
of data, but what they represent can be very emotional. That is why you can
have two people look at the same budget, financial goal or investment and feel
very different about it.
Bottom line: it is important to take time to slow
down and understand what the numbers represent to your spouse and how they are
interpreting them.
Sure, it would be nice if we all saw the situation
objectively, but that’s not always the case. For example, if I typed “$1,000,”
what would you think? Now, what if I added that that’s what I brought in for
the week?
Talking about money from an emotional perspective
can be both exciting and refreshing when we keep a few simple tips in mind.
1. Time it
- If you regularly get into fights about a household finance topic, set aside a
specific time to address it.
2. Explore
it – Ask your significant other, “What does this information mean to you?
How does this information impact you?”
3. Define
it - Create shared definitions of what it means to budget, invest, save, to
have money, to not have money, and any other terms where you typically got
stuck.
4. Delve
into your family history - Learn about how money was used in your spouse’s
family of origin. Ask how their mom or dad viewed and talked about finances.
5. Exercise patience
and persistence - Remember that talking about money can be hard, and you will not always
agree. Be willing to stick it out and learn more about your spouse.
Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.
Ed Coambs
Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook
For all your communication needs, she is all you need.
Grow your marriage by getting all the latest blog posts.
No comments:
Post a Comment