Money Fights? Yes, Please!

What's that? Did I just encourage you to pick a money fight? No. But when there is a disagreement regarding money in your life, you need to address it and bring it to resolution. Otherwise, you end up on the merry-go-round of fighting over the same things again and again, without reaching resolution.

Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman in their recent book Nurture Shock expose counterproductive parenting mindsets. In their chapter "Plays Well With Others," they dig into the research regarding arguments in the home and the impact they have on the couple as well as the children. What they found from the work of Dr. E. Mark Cummings at the University of Notre Dame is that, despite the popular notion that parents fighting in front of children is detrimental to the child's well being, in reality, it can be beneficial for them.

Let me explain. Based on Cummings' work, he has found that children are "emotional Geiger-counters," so even with parents' best attempts to avoid conflict in front of their children, the kids are still aware something is going on, even if they don't know the nature of it. Even more detrimental to children is watching their parents start a fight, then taking it to another room to attempt to resolve it in private. When this happens, the kids miss an important opportunity to see proper modeling of conflicts being squashed. That process actually "improves their sense of security, over time, and increases their prosocial behavior at school as rated by teachers" (Bronson&Merryman, pg. 185).

Great, so now you are thinking, “I need to allow fights to develop in front of my kids with my spouse,” but you are probably wondering how in the world you ensure that you and your significant other reach a resolution. In my next blog post, I will share with you my "Stop, Drop, & Roll" method to conflict resolution. 

What is your biggest money argument? Please leave a comment.

Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.

Ed Coambs

Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook

For all your communication needs, she is all you need.