Saving Financial Face

We implicitly know and experience pressure to use our money in certain ways. If we don't behave in expected ways we anticipate experiencing a wide range of "negative" emotions. Instead of facing the emotions head on, we save financial face.

The reality is that we all have unspoken rules about how we are supposed to use money. Have you ever been sitting in church and felt obligated to put money in the offering plate, because the person next to you did? You think to yourself, what would they think if I don't drop something in the plate.

Or what about being out to eat with a group of friends. Everybody is ordering drinks, appetizers, entree's and deserts, but you don't want all that. At the end of the meal you feel the pressure to split the check evenly, when all you wanted was an entree. Our families are often another area where we feel it is necessary to save financial face. Can you say Christmas. Perhaps you are expected to pay for meals, vacations, clothing, health care, etc. because you have the good job, you are the father, you are the fill in the blank.

Depending on our role in family, marriage, and friendship, defines many of the decisions we ultimately make the the money that is within our control.

Other common places that we feel the pressure to save financial face include the membership at the country club, health club, swim club, children's sports, gymnastics, kids birthday parties oh and the list can go on for ever. The reality is that we get sucked into social relationships only to learn later that there are many more expectations on how we act and spend money than we had originally expected.

One of the classic examples is moving into a nicer neighborhood. The young couple is so proud that they got to buy their forever home. They tell themselves that they will keep it simple, they won't try to keep up with the Joneses, but those empty rooms yearn for filling and so before long the young couple is of to the furniture store, and not just any furniture store. One of those nice furniture stores. You know where the "good" stuff is.

So where, when, and what makes you feel like you have to save face financially? Have you taken the time to think about this. Have you taken the time to talk with your spouse about what situations make you feel uncomfortable and yet you still go with the flow.

We may never fully free ourselves from the situations that are going to evoke a desire to save financial face, that is without holing up in our house, not interacting with anyone, or ever going to the store. So what are we to do? First we need to increase our awareness around what makes us feel financial pressure.

The long term strategy is to work on our sense of maturity. This is really easy to say and often hard to do. Those people that I have met that are mature and have a healthy sense of themselves, also express low levels of pressure to save financial face.

 If you are ready to say no to saving financial face, and yes to keeping your financial priorities then try saying no to a request of you to spend money. The response might just surprise you.