The Damage of Shock and Awe

Last night I watched a few minutes of The Biggest Loser and while admittedly I used to enjoy the show and think that what they where doing for people was really tremendous, I now have my doubts. In the last three years I have learned a tremendous amount about how people change and make change last over time.

In our culture we celebrate shock and awe, pull your selves up by your boot straps, and 5 steps to change your life. While these tactics work in the short run, they seldom leave the person in a better place in the long run. At the core, these methods use guilt, shame, and coercion to get people to do what they "should" do. Why are they so popular, because they get results quickly. Which is what so many of us are hungry for, yet what we don't see after the entertainment of watching someone being radically changed, is them slipping back to their old ways often coming in the forms of rebellion.

The real process of change for the positive is a long and slow one, seldom with quick and obvious signs of change. Yet over time, real transformation begins to emerge. This type of transformation comes from internal motivation for change, change that can not be imposed from the outside, but rather can be facilitated by a trained professional who is truly vested in the best interest of the person desiring help. Being able to help people change is hard nuanced work. It can be painful and slow for the facilitator of change, but when they are able to stay in the process and walk alongside, not in front of or behind the person desiring change, then lasting change can begin.

How do I know all of this is true, well sure I have read loads of books about it and earned two masters degrees, but this is not what helps me know about the change process most, rather it is my personal experience of growth. I have experienced both the shock and awe methods of change, as well as facilitated change. The lasting change in me, that leaves me feeling deeply stable and secure has come out of facilitation, not a process of I know what is best for you.

I have only begun to realize my own internal motivation for change, and while sometimes it has not always come out of proper motivation, it has been the strongest propeller of change. Fourteen years ago, I could not have ever imagined having two graduate degrees and one advanced professional certification. The change has been long, slow and difficult, it has had moments of triumph and utter despair, but I am a different person.  A person who is well equipped to help others make lasting change. Am I am done in the growth process? Not a chance. There is still much to learn, and I know that it will be a life long journey that no six week program is going to satiate.

When we only look at growth or change as a six week program, or five step plan we are destined to frustration and despair. While those programs can serve as catalysts for moving forward, they alone will not sustain your growth. Your desire for growth and change must come from within.