I was recently venting to a friend about how busy I
‘ve been lately and what a struggle it has been to connect with my wife on a
daily basis.
We’ve all been there with our significant others;
that moment when our impatience prevails, and we think (or even say),“I don't
have time to listen right now, honey. Just tell me what I need to know before I
have to head to my next meeting, kids’ event, or whatever else requires my immediate
attention.” Over time, the frantic pace of life can cause a distant feeling in
our marriages. If that distance is left unattended for too long, it can most
definitely lead to conflict.
So, how do we prevent conflict when we sense it on
the horizon? For me, it boils down to making time to converse with my wife
without an agenda. Too often when we engage with our spouses, is the dialogue
ends up being about necessary details that keep life moving forward. Our son’s
baseball game. The dog’s veterinary appointment. The car needing to go to the
mechanic (definitely not dating fodder, so why should it dominate the
discussion now?). Because of this, we miss the opportunity to inquire about how
the other person is doing and feeling, which is vital to maintaining any
meaningful relationship
Tips for Talking
- Share with your spouse that you want to hear how they are doing, not what they are doing.
- Find a quiet room in the house (no TV, no tablet,
no children) and ask your spouse what he/she dreams about.
- Go for a walk with no direction or distance in
mind. Allow the conversation to dictate your path.
- For something more romantic, take a bath
together. Don’t be afraid of intimacy.
When we stop and remember that we married our spouses
to be in a lifelong relationship with them and not just to get things done, we
can take the time to move from the necessary exchange of information to the
heart of connecting conversation: sharing feelings, hopes, aspirations and
dreams.
Want advice on starting your own action plan? Give
me a call at 980-275-1627.
Talk to you soon,
Ed Coambs
Talk to you soon,
Ed Coambs
Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook
For all your communication needs, she is all you need.
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http://marriageandmoneymatters.blogspot.com/2013/12/its-more-than-talking-about-money-it-is.html
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