By choosing one path in life, we give up many
others. This is the nature of decision-making. Ultimately, as we pursue our career paths, many of
us become more and more specialized in certain industries and specific jobs
within our respective fields. What does specialization allow us to do? The
specialist can see problems that many other people could never even dream of
seeing. Moreover, they are often the experts on how to solve them. Sounds
perfect right? The issue, however, is that, as we specialize, we often start to
lose perspective on many other dynamics of life.
So often in our marriages, we try to use our
professionally developed skills to run our families. But what if your specialty
at work does not support the emotional health of your family? Let’s say you are
an accountant and at work it requires precision and accuracy with all the
details, but when you get home what happens when you can no longer control all
the details? It may be time for consultation on how to become more flexible in
your family life.
As we pursue our professional specialization, we tend
to get more and more comfortable at work, but in the pursuit if we do not also put significant effort into
building and maintaining our family, we can lose perspective on how to be with
and enjoy them.
Specialists also tend to have an ever-narrowing
view of how to solve problems. Perhaps another example will help. After
graduating high school, I became a professional fire fighter. My colleagues and
I would often go to homes where people did not know where their water shut off was or where their
breaker box was, and we would ask ourselves, “How do these people not know
these really simple things about their own houses? We can see by their property
that they are smart and successful in their careers. What’s the deal?”
The reality is that the people who owned those
homes spent more time building their careers then maintaining their houses. So,
what seemed like practical knowledge to a fire fighter was a bit distant or not
important to the home owner. Since moving on from fire fighting, I now have a
greater understanding of this dilemma. As I have progressed through my adult
life earning several master’s degrees and focusing on a career as a financial
consultant, I find myself less interested and less able to care for the practical
things around my family’s home. I would rather have someone else come out to
fix things that I normally would have taken the time to do myself.
Is specialization bad? No, not at all; on the
contrary, it allows us to become more efficient at recognizing and solving many
complex problems. The reality is that everyone is a specialist in some way, shape
or form, such as:
The stay-at-home parent - They
know when the kids need to get up, go to school, turn in assignments, what
groceries to buy, and the list goes on. It's not that the other parent isn't
aware these things are happening; they just won't know them in the same detail.
The school teacher - Think
about it: do you know how to assess if a third grader is making adequate
progress through class, or how to teach high school algebra? I wouldn't know
where to start.
The graphic artist -
Definitely a specialist. They know how to create beautiful things for us to
enjoy. They always seem to have a talent for picking just the right colors, fonts,
images, etc. to make something look absolutely perfect.
The business person – Oh,
there are too many types to list, but each business person develops a specific
skill set that allows him or her to help support/run a business.
What we need to remember as specialists is that we develop a unique
perspective on how the world works and how things get done. But we should not
allow our focus on our specialty to stop us from examining how we function in
our marriage and family life. The reality is that it takes a different skill
set to build a flourishing family, and just as you have become an expert in
your profession, it will take effort and continuous work to be an expert in
your family. The outcome of that effort, however, can lead to you having a
place that you love calling home.
Feel free to give me a call to talk more at 980-275-1627.
Ed Coambs
Edited by Reena Arora of Arora Media, connect on Facebook
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